Early Wednesday morning, as soon as I reached the office, I received a call from my boss who’s in Europe. He says that there’s an urgent meeting for the board of directors and I was to fly over to attend it with a few other colleagues. The notice was short and I was to be booked on the next best available flight. I was given a flight that would leave that very afternoon at 3pm. There was no time because an hour later we were to have a short meeting and I’d need to head home and pack and leave. Time was very tight.

As per usual, the meeting took longer than we had all expected. I did an online check in and my colleague drove me home so I could manage my time better. I was grateful for that. It was about 12.45pm when I left the house and the airport is about an hour away. I was rushing against time. I decided to drive as my colleague said she could pick up my car at the car park. I reached and dropped my bags and head off to the lockers to drop my car key. And headed straight in.

The rest of the people were boarding so I thought I could use that time to give him a call. He didn’t pick up the first nor second call so I decided that I should leave a voice message.

“Oppa, I’m really sorry. I’m at Incheon Aiport now getting ready to fly off to Europe. I’ll be back only in another 2-3 weeks time. I’m not too sure yet. I’ll call again when I reach. Don’t worry. I love you. Bye.”

**************************************************************

It was still day when I touched down at Europe. We didn’t have time for any decent rest and I wasn’t the kind who would be able to sleep on the plane. As soon as we touched down, I switched on my phone, expecting something from him. It took a while for the network to get connected. But there was nothing from him. My phone was low in battery so I shut it off again and headed for the hotel. Someone had picked us up and will be sending us to the office once we drop our stuff.

I didn’t had the time to charge my phone. I changed into a new set of clothes and packed for what I thought would be required documents for the meeting.

**************************************************************

We reached the office slightly earlier than expected and it was just in time for lunch so everyone decided we could all head out for a meal and the start the meeting.

“Do you think you could help me with this? The battery died.”

“Why not.”

We went out and were back in less than 2 hours. I had switched on my phone while it charged.

There were quite a couple of text messages and voicemails. I didn’t bother to look at the contents but at the summary. It was sent throughout the long hours I was on board; from family, friends and from him. I thought he should be worried since I didn’t call so I decided to call instead. It took a long while for the call to get connected.

“You arrived safely? You said to call but you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry. My phone died on me. I didn’t had the time to charge.”

“ung… so where are you now?”

“in the office. Oppa, I’ll call again. I need to run.”

**************************************************************

Time check. It was 5am Korea Time when we ended. I was dead tired. But I decided I should drop him a text message as promised.

“Oppa, I know I said that this weekend is all yours but there was an urgent call for meeting. Are you sleeping?”

It took a while for the text reply to come in so I thought he was asleep. While I pack to head back to the hotel, his text came in.

“No, I’m not exactly sleeping.” There was some typo error and I know he’s half-awake.

“ung. Continue to sleep. I just finished and am about to head back to the hotel. I think I should be able to catch some sleep.”

“Got it. Have a good rest. Good night, baby.”

**************************************************************

Many days passed and we conversed through text messages all this while because of the time difference. I was scheduled to go back tomorrow and when I touch down in Korea, it would be a Monday morning. Through text message, I let him know of my flight details. I was half dead when I got off the plane because I didn’t manage to sleep a wink.

I grabbed my baggages and head out. As soon as I stepped out of the sliding door, out of the crowd, I saw a figure standing some distance away from me up front. I could barely open my eyes to see who that was. I continued to walk. I walked and passed that figure.

“Hello there…” I thought I heard a voice calling out to me. But then again I imagined it was my hallucination. I ignored and headed off.

“Ya..” I felt someone grabbed my hand from behind. The person was standing so close I nearly knocked into him.

“Yes?” I replied while I looked up. “When did you come? I didn’t see you.”

“Of course you didn’t! You sleepy head.”

“Sorry. You know how bad it is on the plane.”

“ung… ung.. ung…”

“Why are you like that? I’ve just come back from a tiring trip.” I defended myself.

“What did I say?”

“You…” I gave him that annoyed look and continue, “you never said anything.”

“See!”

I ignored him totally and tried to walk off. He pulled my hands off the trolley and took over my place. He stepped forward to walk. I stood at the same spot with my hands crossed over my chest and had a angry look on my face. He noticed that I wasn’t following so he turned back and shouted.

“Aren’t you coming?”

I ignored.

“There are a lot of people here.”

I took a glance around. But no one was staring or looking at us. So I ignored his statement again.

“You’re serious you’re not coming?”

I ignored once again. Frustrated, he left the trolley there and walked over to me, grabbed hold on my hands and pulled me along. At the carpark, he seated me first before putting the baggages at the boot. I fastened my seat belt while waiting for him. I wasn’t angry or anything but just plain tired. We didn’t speak the whole while and upon reaching my place, I stepped in and notice that Jiji is still around.

“Did you left him here all this while?”

“No, I just dropped him here again this morning.”

“ung? really? alright.” I turned around and put my hands around his shoulders. “I’m going to take a nap. You can make yourself at home which I think you did for the past 2 weeks that I wasn’t around.”

He didn’t say anything but smiled at me.

**************************************************************

I woke up at what smelled like bean paste soup. I always loved that soup he cooked. It tasted differently. The smell led me by the nose and brought me to the kitchen. No one was around. But the stove is still hot. I went on to open up the lid, took a spoon and dipped it into the soup so I could scoop up a spoonful and have a taste. He hugged me from behind.

“ah! What a sudden!”

“You’re awake?”

“ung. That’s nice.”

“You always like to do this to my soup.”

I giggled at that exclaimation. I didn’t realize it until he mentioned.

“soups are meant to be eaten.”

“Yes, madam.”

I tilted my head slightly so I could see his face.

“What?”

“Nothing, sleepyhead.”

“Is that a new nickname for me?”

“I like the look on your face after you’ve had a good sleep.”

“Is that a compliment?”

He broke into a laughter as he release me from his hug.

—-THE END—-

That week just passed like that. I still remember how it felt that night. I was upset at him being so nice and considerate; too much, overdosed. The image of him driving away from the lobby. The back image of his through the rear window of his car. No matter how buried I am in my work, that night continued to hunt me for the week. I had the Sunday alone, worming up myself under the blanklet. Jiji ignored me for the first time. Maybe he knew what happened between Jae and me. That bothers me.

Monday. Monday blues. I sat at my work desk feeling that I just came back from a war, like I haven’t rested at all the previous day. I sat there and the clock hitted 9am. I had a meeting scheduled at 10am. I had no mood for any work today. So bad, I wished I could call in sick. So bad,  I had guilt washed over me for what I’ve said to him that night. I stared at my phone left on the left side of my desk. It didn’t vibrate. I checked to ensure that it had signal. There was nothing wrong with the phone. No phone calls. No text messages. Sunken, I made myself a cup of coffee and settled back at my desk. 9.15am, I checked the phone again; nothing still. I ignored whatever I was feeling and took a sip at my coffee and started flipping my notes for the meeting. Nothing went into my head obvious. I couldn’t concentrate. I opened up my inbox and there was a flood of new messages. I started reading through and clearing them up one by one. I saw an advertisement on Maldives resorts. We had said before that we should visit while it is still around. I let out a sigh as I hit the delete key.

“What’s wrong? You look bad.” A colleague who had walked passed asked.

“ung? Nothing much.” I smiled, signaling that she shouldn’t probe more.

9.55am, I gave my phone a last check. Nothing still. It laid there like it’s dead. Getting ready, I picked up all my documents, laptop, notepads and pens and head off to the board room. The meeting went on for longer than expected. I wasn’t keeping track of time. I didn’t want to stare at the time only to realize that the day has still not passed and time is not ticking away.

12.35pm, I came out of the meeting room, saw the clock as I strolled down the corridor to my seat. First thing I remember I did as soon as I sat on my desk was to check the phone. It was dead. It was still dead. I picked up my wallet and phone and head out. I needed a walk. A walk to cool my head. A walk that can allow my thoughts to settle somewhere else. I walked along the riverside for the last 30 minutes only to settle down on a bench. I stared at the clear waters ahead and wished my mind is like how peaceful the currents of the water are. Angry at myself, I headed back to the office. That night, I knocked off late on purpose and alighted a station earlier so I could take a walk. Thinking back, I must be insane, walking on a hot summer night when I hated the heat. There were many times when the headlights of cars shone so brightly behind me, I would and take a look, wishing that it was him.

That day, I didn’t had a single meal. That day, he didn’t call or sent any text messages.

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Tuesday morning, my alarm clock rang for so long so loud and I couldn’t hear it. I forced myself up and my head felt heavy. I ignored it thinking the possibility since I had a bad night. I headed off to bath and prepare for work. Again, I had no appetite for breakfast. There was no scheduled meeting that day and I felt relieved. I wasn’t in the state to attend any meetings at all. I made my work to work, dragging my feet and feeling heavy. Couple of hours passed and it was almost time for lunch. My colleagues came round my table and suggested we lunch at a Japanese restaurant near-by. The name of that restaurant reminded me of the lunch that Jae had brought me a week before. I could almost cry out at the very spot but I didn’t. My head was too heavy.

“Hey woman. Are you alright? You look so sick.”

“Sick? No, I think I’m fine. I just feel that my head is slightly heavy. And…” Because I can finish my sentence, I felt her palm on my forehead.

“My dear girl, do you realize that you’re having a fever?

“Really? Maybe I am.”

“I think you better go to the doctor or something. And go back earlier and have a rest. There’s no schedule meeting today or tomorrow.”

“ung…”

Heeding the advice of my colleague, I went to the doctor’s and was give 2 days of sick leave. I took a taxi home and was too frail to greet Jiji when I reached home. I fed him his food, ate somethings, popped my medicine into my mouth and headed for the bed. It was dark when I woke again. Still, there was no calls from him. 3 days in a row, for the first time. I made myself some simple dinner and went to sleep again right after eating.

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I woke up to realize that it was 8am in the morning. I moved my hand to the small table on the left side of my bed and took my phone. Refusing to open my eyes, I pressed the phone so it’d light up. “2 new missed calls” it read. I unlocked my phone and it read, Caller Woori Jagi” I was about to hit the redial button and a new call came in. It was him. I cleared my throat and picked up the call.

“Hello.” I broke my voice and I knew I failed.

“What’s wrong with your voice?”

“ung? No, it’s just morning and…”

“Aren’t you going to work?”

“Work?”

“ung… You’re going to be late if you stil don’t come down.”

I moved the phone in front of me so I could check the time. It reads 8.25am.

“ung… work… I’m not going to work today.”

“Not going? Why? Are you sick?”

“ung? No, I just wanted to rest and…” Before I could finish what I wanted to say, I heard someone at the door. “Oppa, hold on a moment.”

I walked towards the door and it flew open right in front of my face and he was standing right in front of me.

“Oppa?”

“What happened to you? You look pale, you know.” He sounded worried. I feel him bending down and putting both of his hands on my shoulder and moving his right hand to touch my forehead. “You’re having fever. How long has it been?”

“I went to the doctor yesterday. And he said I was too stressed and I didn’t have enough rest. I am to go back if I still don’t recover by today.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I couldn’t answer that question. There was no way to answer it nor avoid it. And I refused to look at him. Seeing that, he turned me around and pushed me from behind to my bedroom and tugged me under the blanket.

“Our princess, have a rest here.”

“But I just woke up.” I protested.

“Don’t you dare argue.” He said, trying to sound angry. I obeyed.

It didn’t make sense to fall asleep right after I just woke up like some 15 minutes ago. But I did fall asleep. It was the medication. I awoke at the sound of the TV. And I slipped on my indoor slippers that he had neatly placed beside my bed. Perhaps he heard the sound of my footsteps, he turned around as I approached.

“You’re awake? Are you any better?” He stood up and placed his palm against my forehead. “Seems like the fever has gone down slightly.”

Pointing at the bowl of ice beside my bed, I asked “You put ice on my forehead?”

“I did. It worked and reduced your body temperature.”

“Thanks.”

He ushered me to seat at the couch while he stood up. Jiji was sitting at the couch right beside him and I settled down over his left side. Jae went to the kitchen to scoop up what smelled like fish porridge. I stared up at the clock only to realized I had slept for 3 hours. I make my way to the kitchen. Looking at his back, I had the urge to hug him from behind.

“Oppa, I’m sorry. That night, I didn’t mean to…”

“shhh….. I know…”

Satisfied, I moved away from him as he turned around with 2 bowls of porridge. 1 was half filled and the other was filled to the brim. He settled the bowl that was filled  to the brim in front of me and put the other bowl opposite me while he settled down. Without him saying, I know that he expected me to finish the porridge. I obeyed, but not without saying nothing.

“If I ever grow fat, it’s all your fault!”

“You? fat?” he smirked. “If you ever do, you’ll still be able to get married. Because a man by the name of Kim Jae Joong would still want to marry you.”

I smiled, feeling the satisafaction.

—-THE END—-

Sometimes I ever wondered why I can’t live without him.
I’ve tried to fool myselfi saying that even without him, I am living on fine.
Plus, there are so many people out there showering him with all that love. His fans, his friends, his family, his mates, his working partners…
For the months that he travels, we don’t get to meet. We do contact through calls or text messages but it has never been long nor any more in dept than just the casual greetings and asking for each other’s well-being.

I hate the fact that he’s always not around. The feeling of so near yet so far.
I hate it, I know.
Nevermind if he’s someone who doesn’t know me.
Nevermind if he’s not the man I love.
Nevermind if he has not entered my life.

But all these are empty words.

I sent him a text message. “Oppa, days like these I wish you’re beside me.”

Yes, I am getting emotional. It hurts me each time having to know about his news through other people or through news reports. He’s not a 24/7 boyfriend. I know that and I don’t have that expectations of him. But sometimes, it just feels so empty not having him there.

Before he left this time round, he has asked me to look after Jiji for him; fearing that I’d be lonely. He said he would be gone and be busy for at least the next couple of months. I wasn’t prepared to let him go.

I stared at Jiji. “Jiji ahh, what do you think he’s doing at this moment? It’s midnight now. He should be in his hotel resting right?”
Jiji just stared at me and started to walk towards me. I sat, cross-legged, the way he likes it and he settles down on my lap. Jiji has a always like me better than oppa and I am glad I have his company.

My phone started to vibrate and JaeJoong’s name is reflected, the way I had stored in my phone.

“hello…”

“ung…” “did I wake you up?”

“No, I just came out from shower. It was a long day today. I wanted to text and saw your text so I decided to call.”

“ung…”

“I miss you…”

I fall silent at his words. I couldn’t think straight. I feel my eyes teary. Jiji stared up at me and started standing up and stretching his hands up as if wanting a hug. “meow” he said. I hugged him and adjusted my sitting position with my knees to my chest.

“is that Jiji?”

“ung…” “he seems to miss oppa too.”

“I miss him too but with you taking care of him I am 100% at ease.”

I don’t know if he didn’t know that I am feeling a little low today or he’s choosing to ignore it and talking about other things.

“I feel much better hearing your voice.”

“silly… you can always call me.”

“…”

“I don’t know what went on today. But if you see what’s on the news, ignore it. Those aren’t true.”

“…”

“silly girl…”

“I know. I know…”

I am trying to hold back my tears. But in fact, I had already started weeping.

“I hate you reading those news. But I know it’s always reporting on the papers, the internet and those online sites. baby… you’re always here in my heart; so deep it is irreplacable.”

I could feel his frustrations. Frustrated not at me but at the fact that those news are affecting me this much.

“oppa, i love you.”

I hung up, not wanting to show my weaknesses.

*********************************************

I woke up at the sofa. I thought I forgot what happened last night but it was still fresh in my memory. I hated the fact. Skipping breakfast as usual, I made a fresh cup of morning coffee. It tasted different from the usual. Jiji had come to join me at the seat next to me. I stared at him. He gave me the look that he wants to seat on my lap but I am sitting with my knees touching my chest, making there no space for him to enter.

“I’m not about to move, Jiji ahh… i’m sorry. noona is not in the mood today.”

As if knowing what I said, he settled down in his own chair.
We stayed like this for the next hour or so.

***********************************************

It’s a saturday.
My phone didn’t ring at all the whole day.
Not like I have any date.
Not like I am in any mood to step out.

The television plays on. I stared at it, not knowing what I was watching.
It’s almost 6pm in the evening and I have been at the same spot for the last couple of hours; forcing all thoughts out of my mind and leaving it empty.

**********************************************

“ding dong” The door bell rang.
I didn’t give it a second thought and went to open the door.
I pushed the door out a little and it swung open.
I lifted my chin slightly and before I know it, someone was hugging me.

That hug felt so familar.

I feel my heart beating and me breathing. I remained so until he grabbed my hands and gently push me back a little. He bend down slightly and stared at my face.

He joked, “what is our baby doing she looks so haggard like an ahjuma?”

He started pressing the password for the door and ushered me in when the door unlocked, like it’s his house. He pulled me towards the bathroom and grabbed my clothes from the waredrobe.

“I’m bringing you out.”

30 minutes passed and I’m all ready. Thinking that he would be tired, I offered to take the wheel instead but he rejected saying, “how can I let my woman drive?” I giggled at that. Simple things make me happy.
Or perhaps it was him.

“mart? why a mart?”

“Don’t ask. Just follow.”

We went in. There were glances here and there but he ignored everything. Making it quick, we were out in 30 minutes we a full load of fresh ingredients.

“what’s for dinner’s menu? it’s 8pm already.”

“you want to know?”

“ung..”

“it’s a secret.”

i gave him that “I don’t agree” look. And he ignore. I laughed at that.

He’s back. The Kim JaeJoong I know of. He’s back.

***************************************************

He’s going on a flight back in the afternoon. He has cancelled all his schedule just to come back for a day. For the first time, he allowed me to send him off at the airport.

No one knew he came back. Not even the staff. He came and went back in discreet. I was surprised news didn’t leak out. Maybe the airport staff said something or maybe the air crews or maybe someone on board the same flight. But the airport was busy as usual. No one noticed his arrival. He had done an online check-in so there wasn’t a need to do so over the counter. He arrived just 30 minutes before the flight.

“baby, I’m going in.”

“ung…” I noded.

“I’ll be back once I finish up with things over there.”

“ung…”

He’s already standing at least one arm-length away from me.

“i’m starting to miss you already.”

With that, he hugged me at the airport. It did attract attention and I was being worried about it. I focused around to check if there’s anything unusual but there was none.

“oppa… go… you’re attracting attention.”

“alright. we’ll see each other soon. I’ll call when I reach.” He whispered into my ears.

—-END—-